Spam Theater

I get a fair amount of spam, as I'm sure most people on the tubes do. Mr. X-Stitch recently pointed me to this awesome set of Spam-inspired embroidery. I was very glad I was not drinking anything as I clicked through the set, because it would have come right back out my nose. This is why I need to embroider. Also this. And this. But back to spam.

Recently, it seemed that two wayward spambots found each other right here in my rejected comments section.

One day in the midst of all the Japanese and Cyrillic posts where the only English word is Levitra, I come across this:

"hey guys! i'm fresh here. my name's alayna and i'm from Portland.

i like baking and baking friends. oops i mean making. hahah.

umm i want to create unusual friends! hopefully a true strong people like johnny bravo to
sweep me off of my feet and pick me up and vibrate me like a baby! (...just kidding!)
i think i like watching movie trailers more than i like watching movies
and i wish that people would condense all movies to 3 minutes on youtube.

if you hope for to send me a back rub down i can pay off it in jellybeans or uh.. nevermind.. i can pay you in jellybeans ONLY.

i'm a pretty noble person. i don't care about anything. except for myself.

it's wintry and cold here during the winter and most of the year, so how does a fit as a fiddle young lady stay|presentable?

i seldom get to go outdoors so i use spray tan. it works like demonic magic and it covers up whiteness.
so don't worry my cherry cheek friends (you don't have to lie and say that you put on too much blush anymore!) ok anyway.
i have planned boys swooning across me and let me tell ya.. i'm running| out of jellybeans wink wink sooooooooooooo"


Poor pale Alayna. Doesn't she know that Johnny Bravo is a cartoon and could never vibrate her like a baby? Also, what's up with the whole jelly beans as sexual favor currency thing? Maybe it's a Portland thing. You can ask A Portland Twenty-Something about it, but I don't know that even Ms. Reingold could make sense of poor Alayna's plight.


But then, only a few days later, I get this:

"Possibly the most useful sunless tanning products I've heard about are lotions and sprays containing dihydroxyacetone (DHA) as the active ingredient.

Apparently the sugar interacts with the dead skin cells, a color change occurs. This change as a rule lasts about five to seven days from the original application.

I'm just wondering if anyone can point me in the correctt direction as to the finest and cheapest option that's known to work. I really don't want to end up all Orange."

MY GOD! THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER!! Weird Sunless Tanning Fake Testimonials have found each other at last.

I wish Alayna and Orange a fond and happy e-life together. I bet these crazy kids are gong to make it. After all, if their fellow comments are any indication, they've got access to lots of lots of cheap Viagra.